Proof read, and suggestions?

Sabaah El Kheir ___

I hope this email finds that you are doing well.

My name is ____. I鈥檓 a senior at __________ and am doing an honors thesis about contemporary Arab American artists: artist intentions and the influences of culture. My thesis has been developing since my return from studying abroad in Cairo, Egypt. Included as a part of my thesis, I am creating a cohesive body of artwork that was influenced from my experience. Everything will be completed in May 2008.

I want to support Arab American artists, learn about the influences and intentions in the artwork, and share what I learn. Through my own artwork and research, I want to also redirect the stereotypes of that region of the world. During my first visit to the Arab American Museum, it was recommended to me to contact the curators, and I would be more than grateful if you would be able to help with me.

On July 21, I plan to make another trip to the Arab American National Museum. I am inquiring if there is a possibility to see some of the museum鈥檚 collections, especially any artifact (i.e. art, documents) that is relating to how Arab Americans want to define their culture in America. With your permission of course, the information this opportunity would provide me would be included in my honors thesis.

Thank you for your consideration.

Take care.

From,

____

Proof read, and suggestions?windows installer

Okay....overall, I think it looks good. I have a few very finicky concerns. In your last paragraph somethings off to me. If you are visiting a museum, isn't the purpose to see the collections? Is it really necessary to ask about this, or are you meaning some sort of private, not publically viewable collection?

Also, though the sentiment is nice, I'd probably get rid of the 'take care' in the closing. It just doesn't seem to fit (in my opinion).

Good luck.